


Little Secrets

by helloferelith



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Secret Admirer, Valentine's Day, angstier than expected
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-19 14:17:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22712146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helloferelith/pseuds/helloferelith
Summary: Lucas has a secret admirer and just in time for Valentine's Day.
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 1
Kudos: 102





	Little Secrets

Secretly, Lucas is a bit of a hopeless romantic, but he doesn’t like Valentine's Day. It was all but impossible to avoid though, what with the way pink and red hearts were plastered on every available surface, and the school was no different. There were banners and posters everywhere from the student committee selling love heart sweets and long-stemmed red roses and advertising their Valentine’s Dance.

School dances were about the lamest thing that Lucas could imagine and roses made his throat itchy. So no, Lucas had no intention of celebrating Valentine's day this year.

Unfortunately, there was some "secret admirer" who hadn't gotten the memo about that. Not a single day had passed this week where there hadn't been a love note slipped into his locker. Each note had been spritzed with perfume that caused his nose to wrinkle. This girl had terrible taste in scents.

What really annoyed him the most about not being able to figure it out, was that somewhere in this stupid school there was some poor girl pining over him, and he couldn't even approach her and let her down gently. Whoever she was, she was barking up the wrong tree.

Despite kissing Chloe and a throng of other girls at parties over the years, the fairer sex did not interest him. They were aesthetically pleasing, sure, but they didn't make his blood run hot the way guys did.

He approached his locker warily, glancing around the hallway to see if anyone was watching him. He was normally pretty good at sensing eyes on him, but all of the students that filed past him paid him no mind whatsoever, lost in their own worlds and ignorant of his. Just the way he liked it.

With a sigh, he turned back towards his locker and unlocked it, opening it carefully. He caught the note before it fluttered to the ground and stuffed it in his pocket before his friends could see. The boys could sniff out gossip and intrigue like bloodhounds, and Lucas had no intention of being under the scrutiny of their eager prying eyes.

Grabbing his books for the day, he slammed the locker shut and followed his friends towards his first class of the day, Biology.

Lucas sat down in his usual seat, glancing around once more before pulling out the note and flattening it out on the table. He grabbed a pencil from his bag, keeping it hovering over the page so that anyone who walked in would just assume he was finishing homework and leave him be. But really, his eyes were flicking over the page, taking in the message and trying not to squirm. These notes were getting...vivid.

_ Lucas, I had a dream about you last night. You were pinning me down with those strong arms and then one of your hands slid up and wrapped around my throat. I couldn't breathe. It was so hot, but then I woke up and my blanket was smothering me, but I wish it had been you. Love, your secret admirer. _

If the note had come from a guy, he would've been thrilled. The thought of pinning a guy down as he bucked his hips up, pressing his lips against warm skin... Lucas shook his head, dislodging the image his mind was painting, before it could fully form. Suffice to say, he was into it.

It was time to put a stop to this, before this poor girl got her heart broken. After Biology, in which he forced himself to take notes in despite his distraction, he returned to his locker, scribbling a note and sliding it inside with just the corner poking out.  Hopefully his admirer would find it and then that would be the end of it.

Feeling a little better about the whole thing, Lucas pushed it out of his mind and moved on to his next lesson.

* * *

It was not the end of it.

When Lucas returned to his locker at the end of the day, it was to find his note stuffed back inside his locker, only now it had a spritz of the same perfume and a new sentence written underneath his original message. On the paper, he had written; "To my admirer, whoever you are. Thank you for the kind words, but I'm not interested in dating anyone at the moment. I'm sorry if you find this upsetting, and I would say this to your face, if I had any idea who you are. I just don't have time for a girlfriend right now. Regards, Lucas."

It was to the point and polite without giving any hope of this whole thing going any further.

The single sentence reply said:

_ Nice try, but I'm not a girl x _

Lucas blinked. Well, that was... interesting, to say the least. The paranoid, highly intelligent, highly suspicious part of his brain kicked in. He wasn’t widely out around school, so the person leaving these notes had to know Lucas was gay, it had to be someone he knew fairly well. Which significantly cut down his list of suspects from pretty much every girl in the school to just a small handful of boys.

He knew who he wished it was. As he got to the end of the hallway, standing at the double doors and looking through the window towards the art department, his mind wandered to Eliott. 

Lucas wanted it to be him, as much as he was terrified that it was. Because if it  _ was  _ Eliott, he truly didn't know what to do with that information. Because if _Eliott_ liked him, then it meant that it was okay for Lucas to like him back.

Eliott was clearly visible at the front of the art classroom. Lucas watched him for a moment. If Eliott was in class, then it meant he wasn't home. And if he wasn't home, it meant that Lucas could investigate.

* * *

There was thankfully no-one else home when Lucas let himself in with the spare key Eliott kept stashed, under the third plant pot from the right of the front door. Eliott had told him where it was one day, telling him that any time he wanted to duck in and have some peace and quiet, a shower, or eat a cooked meal, he was welcome. Lucas had laughed at him to cover up how unbearably awkward the whole situation was. Eliott was only trying to help after finding out he'd been relegated to the couch in his flat share, but it made Lucas feel deeply ashamed that he'd fallen so far, that he needed to rely on pity and charity to get by.

Eliott hadn't pushed it, and Lucas had slipped into his house a few times when he was truly desperate, but neither of them had brought it up again.

It did mean that Lucas was overly familiar with the house, that he knew exactly where Eliott’s room was, even if he very rarely dared to enter it, knowing how deeply he was affected by being surrounded by Eliott’s scent and belongings. The first time he'd stepped in, intent on borrowing a pair of sweatpants or something, he'd come to a complete halt, his eyes shining as he zeroed in on the mattress. It looked so comfortable and the urge to fling himself onto it and nap, had been strong enough to sorely test his resolve, and it had taken everything in his power not to succumb to it. He'd avoided the room as much as possible ever since. It was far too tempting.

He pushed open the door and stepped inside, taking in the clothes spilling out of the hamper, the discarded sketch pads and pencils at the end of the bed, the half-empty cup leaving a ring on his bedside table. But they weren't what he was looking for. Zeroing in on the desk, he moved further inside. There was something familiar in the air, something that made his heart start to pound.

Opening the first drawer on the desk, he gave a helpless whimper. There it was, plain as day. A perfume bottle. He picked it up, already knowing what it would smell like as he spritzed it on a piece of paper; the sickly sweet overwhelming scent of fake flowers and vanilla making his nose wrinkle in distaste.

It was Eliott. Eliott was his secret admirer.

Lucas set the perfume bottle down, his hand shaking as he shut the drawer, stepping back to sit heavily on the edge of Eliott's bed. The newfound knowledge that Eliott liked him, stole the last of his resolve. He fell back on top of the covers, closing his eyes, feeling dizzy as the foundation of his whole world slipped out from underneath his feet.

Eliott wasn't supposed to actually like him. Not romantically. The very idea of it should be ludicrous. He could feel panic starting to set in. 

Pushing to his feet, he rushed from the room and back outside, only just remembering to lock the front door behind him and return the key. And then he ran to the bus stop down the street, like the hounds of hell were nipping at his heels, heading straight back to his flat share. He couldn’t face the rest of the day at school.

* * *

Eliott paused at his front door, head tilted. Something seemed off. He frowned as he pushed the door open. He glanced around the apartment, finding nothing disturbed, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

Letting his bag fall to the floor, he took a deep breath, holding it in his lungs and exhaling. He could smell the cloying scent of perfume. It had been Lucille’s, one she’d left in his bathroom when they’d been dating. He’d always thought it was revolting, but Lucille had loved it, so he’d never mentioned how much he hated it. It had been useful though spraying his love notes to Lucas, to throw him off the scent until he was ready to admit he’d been behind them. It had been far more effective than he could ever have hoped for. He still couldn’t quite believe that Lucas had thought his admirer had been a girl.

It had been quite a rush to find Lucas’ note. He’d only meant to check to see if Lucas had found his latest letter and the corner of the paper poking out, had immediately roused his attention. He’d checked carefully to see if Lucas was nearby and laying a trap, but there had been no-one else in the immediate vicinity. So Eliott had grabbed it, first amused and then relieved. To someone who knew Lucas, it was obviously a lie. Lucas had nothing but time. So it meant that the only issue at hand wasn’t having a relationship, but rather having one with a girl.

* * *

Lucas lay on the couch, kicking himself for being a love struck idiot, he couldn't bring himself to call Eliott. Instead, he had hidden at home and avoided everyone’s texts, calls and whatsapp’s. 

His heart was racing and his hands were shaking. He was afraid, definitely, but he was more afraid of the bleakness of a future without Eliott in his life.  He wanted so badly to just call Eliott and confess his feelings but the niggling remainder of doubt in his mind, made him put the phone back down. If this was more than just a joke, Eliott would find him.

It was maybe an hour later that Lucas heard footsteps approaching, the face that haunted his days and nights peering down at him. He hadn’t even heard the door.

Lucas looked up at Eliott, keeping his face impassive as he tried to get a sense for how the other boy was feeling.

"You're an idiot," Eliott informed him when it was clear that Lucas wasn't going to say anything.

"I know," Lucas agreed easily. And he was. Falling for the older boy had been the dumbest thing he'd ever done in his life, which for him was really saying something.

Eliott was silent for a few moments longer, eyes narrowing slightly. "You’re not running away now though" he said softly.

"I don't have anywhere else to go," he pointed out, looking past Eliott at the front door.

Eliott sighed, frustratedly. His hands are suddenly fisted into the front of Lucas’ hoodie, gently pulling him to his feet. "That's not why," he insisted.

Lucas sighed. "No"

"Why are you like this?" Eliott asked, releasing Lucas and stepping back. "Why do you just let life shit on you again and again without ever fighting back?"

Lucas blinked, startled by this change of subject. "What do you mean?" He asked.

"I mean you sleeping on a couch. I mean you moping around all the time. I mean you sneaking into my room, instead of coming to find me and just asking me straight up" Eliott said, his eyes flashing with passion, though his voice stayed controlled, almost calm.

"I'm not a charity case," Lucas insisted, lips twisting into a sneer, his pride stung.

Eliott laughed bitterly. "Is that seriously what you think, Lu? You think I  _ pity _ you? You think I'd let just any random from off the street that I don't care about, into my house, near my family?"

Lucas considered this, feeling confused. "No?" He guessed.

"No," Eliott agreed, looking at him like he was an idiot. "Only you, Lucas."

“I-” Lucas takes a deep breath, steadying his nerves. “Look, I have a whole catalogue of issues and-”

"That's what it all comes down to, really” Eliott looked sad all of a sudden, and Lucas’ heart sunk. "When are you going to forgive yourself? When are you going to let yourself move on from all the bullshit and actually live your life?"

Lucas didn't have an answer for him. A small part of him still believes he doesn’t deserve happiness. 

"You're an idiot," Eliott said again, those crystal eyes boring into him. "I think we'd be really happy together, but I can't compete with the ghosts of your past, Lucas. Let it go."

Pain bubbled in his chest, almost paralysing. "I don't know if I can," he whispered.

Eliott studied him for a moment and then nodded, turning away.

"I got us tickets for that dumb school dance," he said quietly. "The boys are going, they thought it might be nice. I'll see you at mine and we can go together, or I won't see you."

And then he was walking away, leaving Lucas standing in the middle of room, staring after him, feeling like his heart had been ripped out of his chest.

* * *

"Do you think he'll turn up?" Idriss asked Eliott, sitting down on his bed and watching him as he got ready for the dance.

Eliott shrugged, trying to pretend like the exact same question wasn't weighing on his mind, like he hadn't spent all night lying in bed and staring at the ceiling, thinking of Lucas. He hadn't been able to concentrate at school all day, especially because Lucas hadn’t turned up.

"I hope he does," he said instead, "but I don't know, Idri. He lives in his past so much, and its third year now, you know? I want to go to university and get a job and live my life, and as much as I want him beside me for all of that, I can't carry his demons for him. God knows I have enough of my own to contend with"

"Yeah," Idriss sighed. "I know what you mean." He stood up, clapping him on the shoulder. "I hope it all works out for you man. Let me know how it goes?"

Eliott nodded, watching in the mirror as Idriss left the room. 

_ If he's not here by 7:45 I'm leaving without him,  _ he decided.

He examined his reflection one last time, eyeing the black jeans and green shirt he was currently wearing. It was a bit casual, maybe, but with his jacket it would look fine, and if Lucas did come, then Eliott could hardly picture him rocking up in a suit. This would have to do.

With still almost two hours until it was time to leave, Eliott turned to his sketchbook. He might as well distract himself while he waits, instead of watching the clock.  But still, his eyes moved continuously to the clock. What if Lucas didn't turn up? What if he'd decided it was too hard? Would he just leave Eliott with no explanation? Or would he turn up just to break his heart?

More than an hour after sketching, Eliott threw down his pencil with an exclamation of frustration. He couldn't make his mind be quiet, and it was driving him insane.  He felt restless. Shrugging on his jacket, he moved outside to sit on the outside steps of the apartment building. It was dark and quiet, but Eliott didn't mind, just sitting and letting the light breeze keep his mind occupied.

He waited. And he waited. And he waited some more. Time crawled at a snail's pace, the glowing numbers on his phone illuminating his face.

7:44pm turned into 7:45pm. Eliott sighed.

Lucas wasn't coming.

He stood up, brushed himself off and turned back inside, swiping his car keys from the hallway table. He wasn't going to stay at home and mope about it. He was going to go to the dance with his friends and try to have fun. Without him.

* * *

Eliott pulled into the overflowing car park, the sound of music and laughter already filling the air. He switched the engine off, looking towards the gym hall, where couples were lining up by the front door, handing their tickets to the committee members sitting at a table in front of it. Off to one side, he could see Yann, Arthur and Basille waiting. A pang of longing hit his chest, Lucas should be here with them. He wanted him to be here, and it stung more than anything.

With a sigh, he got out of the car, shutting and locking the door before pocketing the keys. 

“Eliott” A familiar voice called.

He turned his head away from the gym hall, looking out across the car park. Squinting, he could just make out a figure, moving hurriedly towards him.

Lucas came to a halt in front of him, just a few meters away. His hair was damp, like he'd just showered, and he was wearing dark blue jeans, a black shirt and a black jacket. It was the fanciest clothes Eliott had seen him wearing in a really long time.

Eliott opened his mouth to say something along the lines of;  _ I thought you weren't coming,  _ or  _ you're late,  _ but instead all that came out was, "hi."

Lucas’ eyes were dark as he regarded him, his posture defensive, shoulders curled in to protect himself. It was vulnerable in a way that had Eliott’s heart in his throat, his chest aching. He wanted to reach out and hold him, to soothe the pain and fear and reassure him. Instead, he shoved his hands into his pockets and waited for the other boy to speak.

"Hi," Lucas said, licking his lips in a nervous gesture that was very unlike him. Long gone was the cool, cocky and confident boy. 

"You came," Eliott observed.

"I did," Lucas agreed. It was stilted, awkward. Eliott had no idea what to say.

"Why?" He asked eventually.

_ Please don't break my heart,  _ he prayed silently.  _ Please. _

Lucas opened his mouth, closing it again, shrugging. He looked confused, and more than a little frustrated. Eliott could understand why. He wasn't making it easy for him.

"I don't know what to do," he confessed. "I want to try, Eliott, really I do, but I have no idea how. I've never done any of this stuff before. And being out in the open, in front of  _ everyone _ , I-” He choked off, and his eyes were welling over with tears.

"Eliott. Lucas. Everything okay here?" He heard Yann ask from behind, the worry evident in his voice.  


"Yeah," he called back. "It's okay, I've got him."

And he moved closer to Lucas, pulling the smaller boy into his arms, letting him hold onto him as he released the pain and guilt and misery that had been building up for years, being a silent support through it all. He loved Lucas as he was, not as some ideal picture of who he could be. Lucas was broken apart by guilt and abandonment, but that was fine, because Eliott was too. The only difference was that he'd had people to help him, to hold him up and get him through his dark times, not letting him wallow for longer than necessary.

No one knew better than Eliott that you had to acknowledge pain. If you let it fester, it only ate you up inside. Lucas’ breakdown had been a long time coming, but it was the first step towards reclaiming his life.

Lucas was healing, whether he knew it or not.

It took some time for his cries to soften to sniffles, and then deep, shaky breaths, and Eliott continued to hold him, one hand trailing up and down Lucas’ spine, comforting him, being there for him. For awhile, Lucas just held onto him tightly, breaths getting quieter and quieter, leaning into Eliott more and more.

"Thank you," Lucas said quietly.

Eliott smiled. It wasn't the grand romantic evening he'd been hoping for, but maybe it was something even better, something real. A new beginning for both of them. They weren’t alone anymore.  


**Author's Note:**

> Your kudos and comments make my day :)


End file.
